I am having a really hard time moving on. I really had such a great time at the industry rotation that I cannot help relieving the memories, over and over and over again. And the come the what-ifs, what if there was no covid, would I have made a better friend with my preceptor? What if the company had allowed me to extend just like some other companies?
I do feel that I am always the unlucky one, why did I have to do my PECT when covid happened and lost out on so many opportunities to connect with my preceptor? Why did my rotation have so little exposure as compared to the others? Why does the company disallow me to extend when I see other companies allow their interns too - and I desperately need the extension to build up my resume? Why am I always so unlucky?
I try very hard to see things from another perspective, believe me, I do try hard. Perhaps if I had a more enriching experience, I would feel a stronger sense of connection with the company and the low now that I am feeling would be way worse. But really, I would have a deeper connection and made a new friend. Would I be happier though?
The company couldn't allow me to extend because they would need to create more emails for us. Then do I regret my choice and that I should have applied to another company? No, I do not think that I would trade my experiences that I had just to join another company. But really, 2 months is a long time and I just wished that I had pushed more... Onto building my resume, do I regret not applying for other industrial internships in the past? Maybe... But then again, if I did, I would have known where my interests lie and perhaps I wouldn't have applied to this company, because the reason why I did so was because of the exposure to the different departments.
As I try to reason out and convince myself that everything is alright, I just can't. I wished I had pushed harder for them to extend me, I wished I had pushed harder to be a friend of the preceptor, I wished I had more opportunities to expose myself to the work more. All I can comfort myself with now is that - at least I've tried.
And hopefully, one day, my best is enough.
